today i'm thinking about child birth
i had noah completely natural
not really by choice
but because i birthed him at a super small hospital
that didn't offer epidurals
and talked you out of the use of medication
in the hypnobirthing classes they did offer
after his birth i felt a little traumatized
i didn't even want to hold him at first
until i heard him cry
which happened to be a little while since he had fluid in his lungs
my body was shaking too much
and i had kept all of the pain to myself
(other than the shaking and vomiting twice)
because i was on emotional lock down mode
since my divorce just 3 months earlier
my mom was there with me while i was delivering noah
i was so grateful to have her
she held my leg while i pushed
and even cut the cord
but i definitely wished i'd had a supportive husband by my side as well
then after michael and i got married and we were pregnant with hazel
i assumed, although not necessary, i would birth hazel
naturally as well
i heard that second children were much easier to birth
and super quick
so i planned for it
but hazel's cord prevented her from exiting the same way noah did
and her heart rate dropped
so i had an emergency c-section
which i found traumatic in a different way
something about the midwife's hand somewhere i would've preferred it not
for an extended period
as well as the shot they gave me to stop my contractions
which made my body shake like crazy
while laying completely naked on the operating table
wondering where my husband had disappeared to
(he was getting prepped for the c-section)
and then i was given too much pain killer
which made me very tired and vomit a lot the next day...
this time i'm not sure how it will go
i'm going to try for a VBAC
vaginal birth after cesarean
and i'm open minded to having an epidural
although i do see definite perks to having a planned c-section
i just want a pleasant experience
where i'm not in too much shock
or too drugged up
to even want to hold my baby
we'll see how it goes
i'm happy i'll have an awesome husband there to support me
no matter what
anyone have any advice?