oh, so glamorous

i've always had the desire to be a mom

i love babies, i like kids

i couldn't think of anything more important or worthwhile

michael and i wondered why more people

didn't want kids

or more kids

we thought we'd have 5 or 6

it was so wonderful

even in the hard-ish times

it was still great

and i want to keep feeling this way

but...sheesh! having four kids is really kicking my trash
i'm not used to it being so hard to be a mom

i am tired, overworked and not so enthusiastic

part of it has to do with numbers, four is a lot

part of it to do with eleanor's health issues

and the fact that olive wants to be simultaneously

treated like a big kid and a baby
they don't want to sleep

i don't have the desire to cook

and i'm always behind on cleaning

this last week i had an older couple tell me

they had 8 kids and 4 was the hardest, then it's just steady

not harder

and another old woman told us that 5 was perfect

both gave me hope

so..i'm not saying we won't have any more kids

but at the moment i wish we had less...

how's that for honesty?
i won't name any names..

tonight i was trying to listen to noah reading a book

through hazel screaming (she was in a self appointed time out)

because i wouldn't let her draw on the couch

olive was freaking out in general, lots of kicking and screaming

and eleanor was fussy and in need of a nap
and this is my life

i'm really trying to hold on to the advice of those
who have come before me
that i will miss these days
and to savor them
that i will miss the dirty hand prints
and the pulling of apron strings
sometimes i wish i could miss it already..
but i will try to enjoy it
even when it's hard
i do love them

the picture is from halloween
but it is a good representation of everyday