my growing heart

i'm not really emotional

i usually blame it on the fact that i got 

divorced while pregnant

some emotions will never return

but lately i keep feeling my heart grow

first, church on sunday with my whole family

other than my sick-at-home husband

i totally cried

thinking of my family

and my journey these last 5 years

then, olive turning one

that one hurts my heart

i've never been so sad to watch my baby grow

i don't know why but with her

 i just want things to stay the same

i want her to be little for a while longer

then watching hazel at her first dance class

my heart seriously grew 

i felt it

i wanted to do dance my whole life

ballet specifically

but despite my sisters being in dance

and some 4 (or so) year old pleading

my mom didn't put me in it

so i've looked forward to the day

my daughter would at least try it

even for a day, and it came

and she loved it

a little girl in a leotard and ballet shoes

is seriously the cutest thing ever

then noah, he told me i'm sweet today

and he told michael he wants to always be
 best friends

and today i heard him singing

 a flight of the conchords song

to the tune of a weezer song

and it swelled my heart

i love that he likes my music

and he sings country roads like no other

i'm just happy

healing, and happy

ps. this is my 3rd grade picture
notice i'm wearing a leotard for it
i thought it was pretty
my sister makes fun of me still for it
she's been laughing since the day i brought it home
in my defense
 the picture was taken post recess