mostly for me
between going 9 days over my due date and laboring for so long
only to have yet another c-section
recovering while michael was finishing his last month of his bachelors
then at five weeks eleanor developed her milk protein allergy
and a few days later was hospitalized with a really high fever
that was from possibly a kidney infection
and turned in to roseola
i experienced post partum depression for the first time
then we moved a few states away from friends and family
for michael to start his masters
when she was almost 4 months old
it was rough for a while
but never because of sweet eleanor
she is the sweetest, calmest, most easy going girl
and i am so grateful she is in our family
i cannot imagine our lives without her
and i am so grateful for the happiness she brings every single day
...
after all of this i wasn't too excited at the thought of having another one
michael and i were both pretty overwhelmed with four kids
and hadn't been ready to even think of the possibility of ever having another one
this last february i was feeling pretty settled we wouldn't have any more children
when hazel out of the blue asked when we would have another one
and i didn't know what to tell her
then michael's cousin jennie watched our kids for the day
and we went to the salt lake temple on february 23rd
we were doing a session and got stuck between rooms
they weren't ready for us to move on
so i wondered to myself what i should do
and the only thing i could think of was pray
it felt like a pretty special opportunity to sit in a room in the temple
in the peace and quiet and say a little prayer
before i could ask anything
i felt a prompting that yes we should have more children
and it should be around our normal time
not having a huge gap or anything
i was pretty taken back by the response i got from a question i never asked
so when i was talking with michael in the celestial room after the session
i told him
and he had been given the same feeling
we are supposed to have another baby
eleanor was 10 months old at the time
and we knew we weren't ready yet
but i was grateful Heavenly Father was helping to prepare my heart
we started to plan to start trying to have another baby in september
eleanor would be 17 months old and it would be close to our "natural timing"
...
then recently (in june or so) i started to wake up in the morning
and feel like my womb was empty
like i was ready to get pregnant again
i had already run a half marathon, and i felt like my body was in decent shape again
and it just started to feel like time
one morning in sacrament meeting (june 30) i was feeling so happy
i'm not overwhelmed with my children, i love them so much
we are happy and things feel easier again
and when i heard michael singing, i just got an overwhelming feeling of love for him
and a few minutes later
michael scooted close to me
and said, "i don't feel like i want to wait until september to try and have a baby,
maybe we should try sooner"
i told him i'd been feeling the same way
let me tell you something
i love this man so, so much
i don't know many men who are so open to a large family
and i couldn't imagine being more in tune with my spouse
michael is amazing
and exactly the husband i have always dremt of
we are very in sync and i am so grateful
four kids isn't hard anymore
...
five children feels like a lot
and i'm sure it will be hard, it's always hard
but it's so, so worth it
we are happy
we never regret our children
they are the greatest blessings
several of our siblings have 4 kids
no one has 5, so it's uncharted territory
with a large family, you need less playdates
you get invited to less things
it separates you from other people
but i am happy to be a stay at home mom
but i am happy to be a stay at home mom
i am committed to my children
to diapers and breastfeeding and homework and clean clothes and dinners
michael is a committed and involved father
happy to spend as much time with our family as possible
neither of us avoids our family
we go places, we ride bikes, we take little adventures
and we're always together
i can't wait to add another little darling to our family
and i am grateful for michael and that he's excited, too
i know i am lucky to have a husband who is home and helpful
and involved like he is
...
we started trying early
and got pregnant on the first try!
this little spirit really wants to come to our family
i am 5 weeks along (on august 4th)
and due april 3rd, a day before eleanor turns two
and totally showing already, something about the fifth...
my body realllly knows what it's doing
and i've already been moody, had headaches, look pregnant
we haven't told anyone yet
even though it's really tempting to especially tell our kids
but we haven't yet and i told michael they'll notice soon enough
with my belly
then tonight noah said (while patting my stomach)
"i think you're starting to get pregnant"
i just laughed and said, "you think so?"
...
(august 7th)
we decided to tell the kids about the baby
we started by telling olive last night
she was so cute and said, "where is it?"
"there a baby in my kummy?" and i said, "there is?"
and she said, "not yet" she was really excited
she thinks the baby will be a girl like eleanor
then this morning olive was saying, "hazel, hazel! there a baby in mommy's kummy!"
she didn't say it very clearly and hazel kind of ignored her
so i asked if she heard and she kind of had
she was a little shy about it. she has a hard time with change
but i know she'll be excited as it gets closer
then noah woke up and i told him to come down stairs
and asked if he remembered that he thought there was a baby in my tummy the other day....
he was right, there is! he was so excited!
he's really hoping for a brother
who can blame him?
he is really happy and thinks it's funny
that the baby will have the first birthday in the family each year
i'm glad i told them, even though they might let it slip
they can understand why i'm grumpy, tired,
and they can't be rough near my stomach
...
(august 12th---six weeks along)
we told our parents last night
and they're really excited
it will be baby #23 on my side and #9 on michael's side
...
we started trying early
and got pregnant on the first try!
this little spirit really wants to come to our family
i am 5 weeks along (on august 4th)
and due april 3rd, a day before eleanor turns two
and totally showing already, something about the fifth...
my body realllly knows what it's doing
and i've already been moody, had headaches, look pregnant
we haven't told anyone yet
even though it's really tempting to especially tell our kids
but we haven't yet and i told michael they'll notice soon enough
with my belly
then tonight noah said (while patting my stomach)
"i think you're starting to get pregnant"
i just laughed and said, "you think so?"
...
(august 7th)
we decided to tell the kids about the baby
we started by telling olive last night
she was so cute and said, "where is it?"
"there a baby in my kummy?" and i said, "there is?"
and she said, "not yet" she was really excited
she thinks the baby will be a girl like eleanor
then this morning olive was saying, "hazel, hazel! there a baby in mommy's kummy!"
she didn't say it very clearly and hazel kind of ignored her
so i asked if she heard and she kind of had
she was a little shy about it. she has a hard time with change
but i know she'll be excited as it gets closer
then noah woke up and i told him to come down stairs
and asked if he remembered that he thought there was a baby in my tummy the other day....
he was right, there is! he was so excited!
he's really hoping for a brother
who can blame him?
he is really happy and thinks it's funny
that the baby will have the first birthday in the family each year
i'm glad i told them, even though they might let it slip
they can understand why i'm grumpy, tired,
and they can't be rough near my stomach
...
(august 12th---six weeks along)
we told our parents last night
and they're really excited
it will be baby #23 on my side and #9 on michael's side
