changes

i don't know what's happened

but lately i've been all sorts of sentimental

there are a lot of changes coming up

and for the first time in a long time

i am not welcoming them

i used to want to up and leave all the time

let's move to new york, or california

let's go!

i would ask michael to go to grad school

somewhere far away

so we could have a new experience

but now i just want things to stay the same

is that weird?

normal?

i don't know

noah is about to start kindergarten next week

is that even possible?

and part of me is so happy and excited for him

but the other part of me can't help but worry

and be scared for him

i fear he won't like riding the bus

or someone will be mean to him

or he'll learn something he shouldn't

or i'll miss him

and hazel will miss him

and michael is about to start school again

finally his senior year

which makes me sad that summer is ending

and we'll have so much less time together

and he will be stressed with homework

and tests

hazel's on the wait list for preschool this year

that would probably be really positive

but we don't know if she'll be in or not

i am so excited to be having our 4th baby

but of course things will be different again

and is it a boy or a girl?

what will we name it?

where will we put it, in our 3 bedroom apt?

plus, who knows where michael will get his masters?

will we stay, will we move?

so many changes

and to top it off we were thinking it was time

to switch out of our student stake

and move to a family ward

because noah is hitting the age cut-off next april

and everyone else seemed to move out his age

but i think i decided i can't handle that change quite yet

we'll stick it out this next year

and hope other kids are still there with him

just too many changes!

i know i shouldn't worry

it'll all work out

right?