too much

life has kind of sucked this week mind you last week was possibly the best i've ever felt about my husband i didn't feel resistant toward him i told him my true feelings and it made me feel closer to him and i was happy i got to see my sister and spend time with family but living here has sucked we've been fighting which isn't great i want things to work and they might i can do anything, right? i need to get it off my chest it really sucked that kyle embarrassed me in front of a group of people my telling me how to be with my husband all i did was make a sarcastic joke guess who has made me so sarcastic my husband guess who's business it is ours not yours not anyones then we fought and i hear i'm quite the fighter what do you think my last marraige was made of i'm pretty good at it i felt completely justified in bringing it up i was right it opened a whole new can of worms apparently kyle and i both bottle things up not that fun but it seems we've worked things out and can get along i just wonder if this whole mess will repeat itself i have wanted to move out since the week we moved in it seemed like it would be so easy and work out fine and saving money is important but it has been hard i really think it'll make us stronger, all of us but it's still been really hard it would be easy to leave other than the sucky part of moving all our crap but then the kids would have to readjust now and in 4 months life is hard i know this is one of those stupid trials that you just need to pray about and move past but it's not that easy to see when it's your life things really are fine now but the whole ordeal of fighting with someone i haven't had to fight in a long time and it made me fight with my husband for not defending me that was really disappointing it's probably good though most of our fights so far have been me making up problems just to be able to fight i think it seems natural to me so sometimes i get mad at michael for no reason and then we make up and it's over but this time it was a real fight and it wasn't even about michael but it was me against his brother and he sat back and watched my sister tried to help i just sighed relief writing about it i hate to write this but i need to and it's my blog, right? not merely your way of looking at my life without my knowledge it's my place to let it out and occasionally show my children or whatever oh life why trials? why not gumdrops and sunshine all the time? i'm already a mom, isn't that hard enough? this is probably stupid and not "supposed to be public knowledge" oh well i don't care i'll do what i want by the way facebook is stupid i like to see my family and a couple really close friends but seriously, how dumb so you get a high number of friends and then what dumb and what the heck is the deal with every one of my "high school friends" (if there is such a thing anymore) being "friends" with my exhusband weren't you my friends? jerks or are you trying to look cool i'm so irritated thanks a million high school friends are so stupid so i've deleted all but a few guess when the last time i talked to my bff from high school is the last time she needed her hair done how lame apparently i just need a journal maybe i'll save this as a draft why should it be your business well its not even if i publish this online for the world is there anything else i need to rant about before i end this horrific post i don't know you know what is weird? maybe you feel connected to me like through my blog and reading crap like this but it doesn't help me know you any better that's kind of weird i wonder what i'll think of this phase of life when its over isn't that weird to think about like how i thought i was fat when i was young and ever since and i never was and i'm still not but it's just how you feel and now it's like stupid young me, what were you thinking? or i was so cute then or i was so happy, why can't i have that still i don't make sense i'm gonna grab my husband who will for sure hate that i'm posting this and go to bed